No, I’m not pregnant. However, I am about to be 26 in September — the pressure is on to make sure that I don’t wait too late to have a baby, but I want to make sure that I have all my ducks in a row and am in a better position financially. My relationship with my mom is amazing, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world. The support and love that we have for each other are indescribable, and I would be honored to give that kind of love to a child of my own. However, I do have some fears and anxieties surrounding this topic, and as always, I want to share my thoughts and experiences with you. So, let’s jump right into it.
Medical Issues
Three years ago is when I experienced a very traumatic medical issue; I continuously bled vaginally for over 6 months. After countless uncomfortable doctor visits and expensive copay payments, I discovered that I had some cysts on my ovaries. However, doctors were still unsure if that was the cause of my continuous bleeding, and they couldn’t give me a definite answer regarding if this would impact my ability to have a child in the future. They threw around big and scary words like, “ovarian fibrosis” and “PCOS”, and I was left with more questions than answers. It honestly felt like I lost a race before I could even get started.
Emotional Issues
As you all likely know, I have lots of highs and lots of lows. When I’m up, I’m really good, and I feel like I’m on top of the world. Unfortunately, when I’m down, I often feel like I’m so low that I can’t possibly feel any lower… and then the next depressive episode hits. How can I be there for a child 100% when I can’t even be there for myself or pick myself up from this low position? I know countless parents do it every single day, but I’ve never seen it for myself.
My mom was and continues to be a superwoman in my eyes, so if she was low, I never knew it. Me? I get engulfed in my depression some days until it just swallows me whole. So, how can I care for a child, who is going to depend on me for everything, when I can barely care for myself when I get so low? It seems impossible, and it feels like I’d be doing my baby a disservice if I can’t be fully present.
Final Thoughts
Making matters worse than just the medical and emotional issues, I also worry about financial stability, labor pains and complications, and even if I’ll be a good mom. This topic gives me a lot of anxiety, and I find myself worrying so much about the future that I can’t even joy my life in the present.
I have two goals with making this blog post, and the first one is to share my story so that anyone else who is going through this doesn’t feel alone. If you are also feeling the pressure of having a baby because of your age, or if you want to have a baby but are worried about the many things that come with motherhood, please know that I am with you. I share your anxiety, and I share your worries and fears.
My last goal with making this blog post is in the hopes that someone has any advice or encouraging words for me and many others who may read this and be in the same position. Mamas, soon-to-be mamas, and want-to-be mamas, please let me know your thoughts! I’d be so grateful 🙂 .
“Becoming free is learning about yourself; the scared and the insecure, the brilliant and the bold. Embrace both and the journey is yours and yours alone.”
– Riitta Klint
the pressure is on to make sure that I don’t wait too late to have a baby, but I want to make sure that I have all my ducks in a row and am in a better position financially
I think this line resonates with woman all over the world, wonderful post. I really enjoyed reading it and really resonated with it.
Thank you so much, Aimee. I really didn’t realize how many women out there feel this exact same way.
My kids are close to being “grown and gone” and I will share one thing with you that I’ve learned along the way. You probably won’t ever find a time when everything is perfect for having a baby. There will always be challenges you face no matter what…but you got this. The fact that you care so much already puts you miles in front of many others considering parenthood! I wish you the best.
Thanks so much for your advice and kind words. Wishing you the best as well! 💕
Anxiety does exist and it saddens me when people reacts negatively instead of giving support and comfort
I agree whole-heartedly. Thank you for reading!
I have never been into this situation. But, I saw my wife struggle with motherly duties. It is but natural to worry sometimes.
I have PCOS and to know I may never have a child of my own breaks my heart. Then I wonder if it does happen will I be to old, health issues. Just all of these questions flood my brain. I feel for you and me both sister!
I think it’s normal to feel anxious about these things. When I was your age, I had similar thoughts. But I saw a lot of my friends go through parenting, all fears bared, and taking things one-day-at-a-time.
So that’s what I’ll tell you. I am not a mother. I was unfortunate in that aspect. But with most things, you have to take things as they come.
Thank you so much for being so open with me and sharing a piece of your journey with me. You have no idea how much that means to me. Thank you for your advice, and thank you so much for reading.
Thank you for sharing your experience and I’m sure that many other women out there will find comfort reading this post. Wish you all the best!
Thank you so much for reading!
I can imagine how you feel. I have a child and unmarried but I do think about having more kids before I’m 36, I honestly can’t stop thinking about how hard it will be to raise them til they are in college as the economy is becoming bad.
When it comes to pregnancy, I know I definitely have anxieties about it. It’s definitely a variety of things that can happen, but it’s good to be positive and to learn more about your body.
I’m so glad I’m not alone in my anxieties. Thank you so much for reading!
great post! I think a lot of people need to hear that, I had such thoughts for years as well
Before I had my son, I felt so much pressure and focused on all the reasons why I wasn’t prepared. I remember feeling so much pressure from what felt like the entire world. It’s not easy to feel those things! I think it shows that you care a lot and that you are responsible and those are the same reasons that you will be an incredible mother one day, when you are ready!
This just made my heart so happy. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with me and for providing such encouraging and uplifting words. I appreciate it so much!